And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
