If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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