He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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