Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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