is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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