similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
