I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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