So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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