whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
