In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
