they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
