I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
