At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
