drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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