WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
