my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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