My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
