we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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