We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
