i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize