i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
