you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
