At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
