so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
