i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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