What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
