I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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