shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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