I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
