I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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