The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
