He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
