apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
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And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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