Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
