I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
