She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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