It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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