Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
