i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
