I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
