I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
