So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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