oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize