Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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