ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
