She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
4 words: hood of his car
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
