saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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