They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
being pregnant is like rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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