If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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