We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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