I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
