sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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