I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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