Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
