Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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