Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
