Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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