But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
