Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
