she was so not down for the gang bang
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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