I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
